Time Flys

Wow, it has been 9 years since I posted on this blog.  Life has changed so much.  Where do I start.  New town, new job, new life.  So many changes in such a short amount of time.

Stuff

We have been cleaning my Mom's house to get it ready for my nephew and his wife to move in. This really sucks. Too much stuff. It is too sad to deal with. You either blank out and not feel or you cry all of the time. Everything reminds me of when we lived together, the places we went, and all of things we did. It makes me want to run away but of course I don't.

Death Sucks

I guess I just have to say this outloud somewhere. LIFE SUCKS. I don't really want to die or anything and I guess that life isn't really what sucks but DEATH SUCKS would be the correct term. I just hate it. I don't really hate much of anything but I can really say that I hate cancer. I am a 20 year cancer survivor but yet my Momma couldn't beat it. cancer sucks. I lost one of my dearest friends to cancer just a few months ago and now I have lost my Momma to cancer too. I am sure that someday it will get me too but I am going to fight it every step of the way.

My Momma

My Momma has been my best friend for many years now but I can remember a time when I would not even speak to her. I so regret those days and I hope she knew how much I regretted them. I know she knew how much I loved her because I made sure to tell her all of the time. I also always tried to do things for her so would know how I felt. She was the best mother any child could hope for. Sometime I just don't know how I am suppose to continue on without her but I tell myself that she would be disappointed in me thinking like that. She did her best to raise me and my brother and sister to be strong and self reliant people but I think she knew that I was always a little on the dependent side. I just miss her so darn much. I gusess the best advice I can give to anyone is to cherish every minute you have with someone because your never ready for them to leave.

Run Away

My Momma died two weeks ago today, Mothers Day. I am still lost. Sometimes I just want to run out my front door and just run, run, run never stopping. I miss her so much. I just want to talk to her one more time. Just hear her talk to me one more time. I love her so much. I know she is with God and is no more pain and that is what gets me through each day. I need to be happy because that is what she would want for me. I wil be happy and I will survive so I can see her again someday. I just miss her so stinking much.